five lightbulbs

i. my honors professor talks and writes like an infp......no wonder i don't understand anything i'm supposed to be doing in his classes...sorry i don't get implications and need clear instructions to function properly...and turns out...he's the freakin' head of the entire department.... i am seriously reconsidering my decision to be an honors student... #judgeme

ii. i finally realized why i cry every time i watch a dance performance: it's because i miss the tight-knit dance family atmosphere, drama and all...at least you have a place where you belong. 

iii. the more i talk to my grandmother Mandeh, the more i see the many many many many (did i mention many) reasons why we are related. #meanttobe #it'sreallybecauseshefeedsme #onedayweshallcapturethekitchenanditshallbeours #untilthen #popcorninthebasement #eggsonthewall #pighatchingfromegg #wut

iv. my subconscious embraces cannibalism #jokes

v. perfectionism is a mental illness. like, no really, it is. don't underestimate it.

hi. i didn't know it would be this hard.

:: it's been my first week of school and my (almost) second week living here at BYU....away from family, friends and anything familiar
:: i love it, i really do, honestly, truly, I'll-spit-in-your-hand-and-shake-on-it-cross-my-heart-hope-to-die
:: but i didn't know it would be this hard
:: how to explain this without sounding dumb....#thestruggleisreal
::forgive me, it's 11:33 at night and i'm watching this Korean drama while writing this blog post and i have to keep switching back and forth because they actually speak Korean in this show so i have to read the subtitles because i'm not cool enough to speak Korean fluently
:: the biggest thing is familiarity 
:: i miss my family--the only people who really know my true authentic, vulnerable self and still love me anyway
:: i miss my wonderful online school with all my virtual, but real, friends 
:: friends.... what a wonderful, lovely word.... 
:: to me, friendship is so much more than the "oh-you-look-cute-today-where-did-you-get-your-shoes-did-that-boy-talk-to-you-yet" kind of friendship
:: not to brag or anything, but my friends from this wonderful online school of mine are genuine, authentic friends who can laugh and cry and tease and make each others' lives completely miserable sometimes and totally make each others' days at other times and we just all belong
:: belonging..... i miss that too
:: i've never felt so out of place and so completely..... lost
:: oh and lonely.... 
::SO IF YOU'RE IN THE AREA YOU HAVE TO COME VISIT THIS POOR LONELY PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A COLLEGE STUDENT
:: bring ice cream
:: i am just so sick of introducing myself over and over again to people i'm hoping might be a potential best friend but then turns out i'll probably just never see them again but i still do the same old speech thing over and over again because i am still clinging onto that hope that maybe someone out there in this universe named Y is looking for a potential soulmate like me
:: "hi my name is Kimberly, i'm majoring in sociology with an emphasis in social work/counseling, i'm from tremonton, utah and you probably don't know where that is and i'm a freshman."
:: gah, i just really miss my family and my friends
:: like, today.... in my one class..... we had to answer two questions....
:: would you consider kissing on a first date?
:: and, beards or no beards on a guy? 
:: IF YOU KNOW ME THEN YOU WOULD GET WHY I THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS
:: i literally looked around the room (even though it was a pointless thing to do) to see if anyone would laugh with me.... 
:: and then i realized...duhhhhh nobody knows me or my history -_-
:: i almost turned to the girl standing next to me to explain my entire inside joke....and i realized again that hello....nobody cares here.... 
::so yeah anyway
:: i really do love college and i'm staying on top of my mounds of homework and i'm eating healthy and burning SO MANY calories walking around to my classes because this campus is big and i'm not used to walking to my classes anyway #burgerprobs
 :: stay in touch, mkay?