if we were having cookies and milk...

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...that I'm actually way excited to be working four different part-time jobs this summer because in all honesty, I hate having down-time where I have to wring out every ounce of creativity from my uncreative brain and find something to do. That something I usually end up doing is parking my lazy self in front of the computer and either 1) watching Youtube 2) stalking blogs 3) chatting with friends 4) window shopping or 5) pinteresting. Working will keep me busy as a bee and far away from the life-sucking pull of my computer. And is it weird that slightly monotonous and methodical work is emotionally healing for me? Probably.

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...how much I appreciate true gentlemen in this world of players, jocks, and jerks.

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...I'm really really sorry if you ever had to deal with me when I'm stressed, drained, tired or all of the above. When that happens, I tend to pull all my feelings into a ball inside myself and set up walls to keep people out.  I live inside my own little world, protecting my heart because I can't carry one more thing. I tend to distance myself from others, including my closest friends and family because I don't want to accidentally say something that hurts them. I tend to get very blunt and direct when I'm pushed over the edge.  Just know that I always always always feel terrible afterwards and I am most likely dwelling on it and beating myself up for being so mean and inconsiderate. 

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...that all I really need right now is a sincere hug and a lot of love because the last four months of my life have been hard and even if you think you know what's going on because I've told you some things, you probably don't know the half of it.  

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...at some point in the conversation, "Oh my gosh I loved being a trail guide for Elevation Outdoors and my pods were the bestest and you can pretty much just be jealous." And then after I'm done raving about all the people in both of my pods, I'd probably pause for a second and tilt my head and look at you and say, "I just really hope I made a difference in their lives because they definitely made a difference in mine." And if you know me really well, you would understand that I meant that statement from the very bottom of my heart. #pod4ever #mallardsrock

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...that I'm really craving some really good chicken alfredo.

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...I'm really into wearing my hair in a braid to one side and that I also really enjoy wearing my Elevation baseball hat on backwards. Not that I'm a hat person. I just really like that particular hat. Add some aviators to that look and bingo, I'm set.

If we were having cookies and milk, I'd tell you...not to be alarmed if you don't hear from me for a long time.

today i graduate

I'm walking through a door today and once it shuts I'll never be able to go back.

Goodbye high school....and helllooooo college. (Can I get a hallelujah?)

Yesterday was the Last Official Day.  And now high school is done and over with.

IT'S FLIPPIN' OVER. 

I'm going through this rollercoaster of emotions that's making me feel really bipolar and maybe I should just walk myself into an asylum right now for the week... <-- That's the only thing that makes sense to do in this moment.

But before I hand myself over, I need to give a shout out to the people who really made my high school years at Williamsburg fabulously lovely.

So here's to you, my friends, and I raise my figurative glass to our friendship. (Filled with figurative lemonade, of course.)

(in no particular order; go find your name)

Catherine/Chip: Words cannot express how deeply I value our friendship. I love our story-swapping, our adventures and our flip-flopping-snarky-to-sweet personalities. High school just wouldn't have been the same without a fuzzy chipmunk by my side. From late-night sob huddles to running around in a hotel like spies...thanks for letting me be myself every time.  <3 Let's be best friends forever, yes? 

Mandy/Grandmother: You are my favorite grandmother in the history of favorite grandmothers. Just goes to show that greeting random strangers doesn't always turn out bad. ;) Thank you for always always being there no matter what and for really listening. It means the universe to me. We'll stick together until the end. No questions asked. Mkay? Mkay. I shall always be the koala bear to your....grandmotherliness. (Because that makes so much sense.) 

Aaron/PTL: (even though he won't be able to read this) Sometimes, you just connect in a snap with a person and you know you can trust him no matter what. That was you. We've shared ups and we've shared downs and we've shared far more awkward moments than should be allowed in human existence. Thanks for never leaving despite it all. :) You're the best PTL a girl could ever ask for. 

Harrison: Somehow, by some unkown force, we've stayed friends this year and....somehow... you still don't mind my quirky personality or my rants or my awkwardness or... well, you get the picture.  It's nice to be my sarcastic self around someone who will give it right back. merher...Thanks for keeping me sane this year and making me laugh when I hit rock bottom. You probably will never know how much you actually did for me this year. 

Jess: Woman. I love you. And I love Jarvis. And Pole. And Bernie. And your creepy stalker cat. But mostly I love you. You were one of my very first Burger friends and...I'm pretty sure you corrupted me. ;) But that's okay, because we have fun, right? And who knows...maybe five years from now, we'll be sister wives or something. ;) Thank you so much for showing me that it's okay if I release my weirdness.  Even if I scare everyone away, at least I'll still have you. <3

Autumn: Girl, my world would not be the same without your beautiful presence. Honestly, I'm so glad we've stayed friends even when you took a break from Williamsburg. You always always always lift me up when I'm feeling down with your kind words and compliments. You have such a sweet spirit and you're just so amazing. The man who marries you will be lucky, indeed. Remember that I will love you forever!

Ryley: Yo, my hippie hobo brother from another mother. No class presidency has ever compared to our party presidency with the almighty list, the shopping cart, the llamas and the big M. *wink wink* Thanks for being my buddy through junior year and for standing up for me when mean bullies made fun of me. (Aka kicking that one kid outta class for bashing). You're da bomb. I'll always remember to flee with speed. 

Wesleigh/Twinsie: So um. You pretty much inspire me to live my dreams. Yup. You have such a free spirit with such passion, drive and motivation. I can see you making a big difference in the world. You already have made one in my life. And I know that I can come to you whenever I need to get something off my chest. Let's make that burn book, yes? ;) #youknowwhatI'mtalkingabout

Rachel/BFFFFFF: Only you and I will EVER know what "BFFFFF" actually stands for! ;) It will be our secret. haha But seriously, woman. No man will ever stand between us ever. Because they're stupid. And you, my dear, are not. I'm pretty sure if I could sum up our friendship in one word it would be: PARTAY!  Because seriously, we're just that fun. Thanks for being crazy with me...and I'm looking forward to our crazy cat lady days!

Elizabeth: I am so so so so so so eternally glad that you messaged me in Canvas and became friends! I really do think of you as my younger hobo sister and I woud adopt you if I could! We'd run away and get ourselves a nice, cozy cardboard box and live under a freeway overpass and eat stuff from the dumpster and.... actually, that sounds gross. Let's not. Instead, I'll just content myself with chatting you and loving you from afar. Come visit me as often as you can, love, okay?

Nando: You are a piece of stinky, filthy human flesh that says mean things to me and makes me cry and all around makes my life miserable....and yet somehow... we're still friends? How does that even make sense. It doesn't. Great. I'm pretty sure WAVengers is the only thing keeping us from killing each other. ;) We really should either think about: a) world domination or b) coming back as Burger writing mentors.

Ian: Even though I push you off metaphorical cliffs, I just want you to know that I still love you thiiiiiiis much. paha. You're the greatest. :D I've loved getting to know you this past year and having you in all my Monday/Wednesday classes. And I'm pretty sure all the class presidencies think that all we do is flirt. ;) Little do they know that we do that just for their enjoyment because you're really in love with a tree. Thanks for being my over-protective, mountain-man friend! 

Riley: *figurative tear* My first adopted brother waaaaay back when we were immature freshman/sophomores spamming the forums...good times. ;) Your black preacher voice is the bestest and your analogies are always hilarious and spot on. Thanks for calming me down before my very first oral by giving me your B.S. system...I'm pretty sure I laughed away my nervousness.

Nick M: Brotha, we've roughed it through high school and now I'm leaving you.... I'M LEAVING YOU SO YOU BETTER CARRY ON THE FAM'S REPUTATION OF QUALITY LEADERSHIP. ;) No pressure. I'm counting on you. Seriously though. Have a great senior year. Make it fun. Make it count. I believe in you and I think you can do great things if you put your mind to it. You have a big heart, dear. Go for your dreams and don't let what people say/think get you down.

Alex: I seriously love it when we chat.  I'm sorry that I never seem to have a lot of time to carry on a long conversation...but just know that I value your friendship and I treasure everything you've told me.  I really feel so honored that you would trust me with some of the things you've shared. <3 Sometime, you need to fly out here and hang out with me, okay? 

Jayson: Hiya :) So I think everything will be okay and we'll be just fine.  You're an amazing person and I value our friendship. Thanks for sticking things through and being patient with me. We've been through a lot, haha! And it was pretty fun joking around with you and going on roadtrips and group dates and throwing parties and pulling an all-nighter this past year. :D 

Ward: How can I even say this....but you are just so awesome. Really truly. You always encourage me to just be wonderful, beautiful me no matter what. And you do that for everyone else as well. You have a heart of gold and I can tell that you see through the masks people wear and just see them as children of God. Also, I super love your blog and I also super love it when you tell me you wrote another blog post because it makes me feel validated. Your enthusiasm for life is contagious. :) 

Dane: I know we didn't really start talking until these past few months, but I just have to say ever since my first Elevation and you were in my pod, I've thought you were a boss. Not to mention that when I was a scared newbie, you were super kind to me and made me feel like I was worth something. :D And now that we know each other better...I still think you're a boss. Your comments in Lit class are freakin' amazing all the time. It's not even fair. ;) Congratulations on your mission call! I'm super excited for ya. 

Erica/Epica: Hey you.  I love you. And I think you're gorgeous.  And I think you have one of the prettiest voices in the history of voices. No joke. <-- Sorry if that was weird. You are a wonderful friend and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN. I was heartbroken when you couldn't make it the past two opportunities you could have come to my house! :( But this shall be fixed next week! Stay royally and beautifully you, m'dear.

Seth: 1) Never stop calling me "Sister Blister" because it makes me laugh every time. 2) Never stop testing out cheesy pick-up lines because it makes me laugh every time. 3) Never stop talking about the 8th day of creation because it makes me laugh every time. 4) Never stop pretending to be cocky because it makes me laugh every time. 5) I love that you're my brother. Let's be siblings for forever, okay? <-- that means you have to still talk to me when I'm in college.

Kyle: WHY ARE YOU SO SMART. I hate you. ;) Kidding. Kidding. You're just such a good example to me of someone who follows through with their passions in life. You have done soooo much in politics, it's astounding. And you even managed all my presidency campaigns without any reimbursement. You're a good man. :D And you also make me laugh. Remember when you had your nails painted at Elevation and I couldn't stop laughing my head off? Merher. I'm really so very happy we're friends. :3

Javan: You shall always be one of my best friends even if we don't get to see each other very often or even talk to each other...it's so sad. But whenever we get togther, it's like we didn't miss a step. You are one of my favorite people ever. I still remember our first Elevation and you were like, the only one who would really listen to me. We just sat on a rock by the river and I think I sobbed out my whole pathetic story to you. haha It meant a lot though. Hopefully we'll get to hang out soonish!

Nick L: Psh. Little brat. ;) You ALWAYS play tricks on me, ya meanie. haha Well, I guess that's just how I know that you're a true friend.... because only true friends tease the heck outta a person they love. Right right. haha. Hey, but thanks for always being one of my biggest supporters and helping me with my various campaigns. You rock. :D 

Natalie G: You are so beautiful and I value our friendship. I absolutely loved it when you surprised me by bringing Kam and Javan and all your other friends with you to watch me perform one of my last Nutcrackers and ballets!  It meant more than you can ever imagine.  Most of my family/friends live so far away that I don't get people to come and watch me very often. I love you so very very much. <3 Stay lovely.

Katrina: Girly, thanks for being my friend for so long. I still feel bad about that one time when you came to Elevation and I didn't have my glasses on or my contacts in so I didn't even see you standing there until I almost walked by you! I loved being in your pod in August and I can't wait to see you again next week! You are an amazing photographer and did so well with the Elevation pictures. I'm so lucky to have a talented, wonderful friend like you.

Sanneke: Gah, woman. I shall always cherish our bonding moment...over a flooding toilet! <--One of my favorite moments in the history of my life ever. Even though we don't talk very often, I love all the times we do. And seriously, every time you give me a virtual corn dog or virtual slabs of bacon... day=made. <3 I also kind of love it when you make me videos on G+ every now and then. You're the best, dearest!

Tiffany: "OHMYGOSH, is that a TV?!" <-- From that moment onward, I knew that we would be friends. ;) It's crazy how we always seem to have the same brain wave-length during those times of... *cough* Yeeeeeaaaah. haha You are so funny like, all the time and it's great that we're tight.  I'm so so so glad I ran into you at FEE and found out you were a Burger! 

Katelin: I still can't believe you wanted to throw a surprise birthday party for me even though you live so far away and couldn't come! You just make me feel so loved. I will miss you when I go away to college so you have to promise me to chat me every now and then and tell me how you are doing. And maybe one day, I will finally meet you and give you a hug in person! Stay royal, darling.

Wellesley: Thanks for being my unoffical mentor in Dressing Your Truth. haha It means a lot that you would share your passion with me. And I'm so happy that I got to see you a few times this year at BYU I! You are such a lovely person and I enjoy having you tell me stories about all your boy experiences at college! They're so entertaining! ;) haha It's also super awesome that I can talk ballet lingo with you and you totally know what I'm sayin'. <3

Julie: I have watched you grow from a shy freshman to a confident and wonderful sophomore! Thank you for being such a light in this school and in my life. You are truly an uplifting person who follow the promptings of the Spirit. It makes my day every time when you send me emails full of love and encouragement. Thank you for those. They came at a time when I desperately needed some love. You're amazing and don't you forget it! 

Tim: So, you're preeeeetty darn cool, Tim.  Like, too cool for school. And definitely too cool for me. ;) But you still talk to me anyway and that makes me feel pretty legit.  Also, the llama sculpture thing you made and took a picture of was super cool. Thanks for just going with the whole llama thing eeeeeveennnn if you thought it was dumb. Which it totally is in an awesome sort of way. Oh, and thanks for reading my writing and telling me it's awesome. 

Kam: .........I don't even know what to put here except a lot of laughter and smiles and joy.  So that's...what I'm putting here. AND NEXT TIME COME TO MY PARTY AND DON'T SPRAIN YOUR ANKLE. ;) Kidding.  You're energy and happiness and passion for life is so much fun to be around and makes me want to be a better, happier person. Love you much, kid. 

Ammon: Extra points for being one of my first Burger friends and original member of the not-so-original LOVEMUFFIN group during the ancient days of the forums. May they rest in peace.

Trevor: Haha... I knew I was missing someone. ;) We haven't seen each other since August 2012 Elevation. o.O Crazeh. And I still have your E1 bracelet. *cough* lol Anyway, I hope you have a great summer and thanks for being my sister's friend. :D  You're super fun and hopefully one day you'll be at an Elevation that I'm a trail guide at!

williamsburg academy is a truly fabulous school

::so recently, the headmaster of my super beloved school had me write a little snippet for his newsletter and the Williamsburg blog 

::and honestly, I'm so glad he did because I was able to take the time and just reflect on all the wonderful lessons that I've learned about myself over the past three years I've attended

::crazy to think that I'm graduating on Thursday!

::also, click on the picture above and it should take you to the piece I wrote :) 

Happy finals, everyone! 

this is how life feels sometimes

//it's just like you're all huddled on the sidewalk with the rain pouring down and the only thing between you and the storm is your umbrella and you're holding it over you like it's a lifeline but what if the wind starts blowing and the rain starts coming in sideways and then who cares about your umbrella because you're going to get soaked anyway 

//and then you realize that you can just stand up and go inside

//problem solved

//sometimes humans are stupid and we'd rather be miserable out in the storm clinging onto an umbrella that's not doing anything to help us even though we swear that it really is keeping us dry when it is most obviously not

//it's like, c'mon people...you've got a decision to make

//but too often, we choose the umbrella

happy may

_graduation
_finals will be over
_high school will be over
_elevation one
_elevation two
_which means: Mandeh, Chip, Ian, Harrison, Jess, Seth, Autumn, Nando, Tim, Ryan, Rachel, Wesleigh, Nick, Jayson, Sanneke, Epica, Dane, Tiffany, Kensley, AJ, Julia, Riley, Johnathan, Ian!
_maybe finally hopefully get a job
_which means earning money 
_which I need
_a lot
_yay :) -_-
_did I mention graduation?!
_new chapter in the story of my life